Do We Really Have To Love Ourselves First?

first, love, energy, divinity, share, James Calderon, Positively James, inspiration, positive thinking, advice, life lessons

There are many cliches out there that nonchalantly get thrown around.  We tend to accept these one-liners without any serious thought and they eventually become collected and a part of our belief systems. Some examples include:

1. “Too much of a good thing is a bad thing.”

2. “This is the first day of the rest of your life.”

3. “The grass is always greener on the other side.”

4. “When one door shuts, another one opens.”

And the winner of the day…

5.“You have to love yourself first before you can love anyone else.”

Don’t get me wrong, most cliches sound good.  That’s probably why they’ve become so overused throughout time. These cliches can hold truth as well, but I think that depends on the person who decides if that’s the case or not.  My beef, however, is with the last cliche. I mean do we really have to fully love ourselves first before we can love another?

I believe our first mistake is in believing that love is something we own and we get to divvy it out like bread to the pigeons in the park. We also believe it is only confined to the human heart. The truth is, love is energy.  It is a divine energy that is always here and now. Brendon Burchard, author of Motivation Manifesto explains that it is our origin and final destination.

Love is something we have to allow to flow through us. Many of us have built walls, not allowing love to do what it does best for all kinds of reasons.  Some reasons include: past hurts, judgements, rejection; or maybe we’ve been the victim of selfish acts, or shamed by what we thought was love.

As I’m writing this article, I have Mary J. Blige’s latest album playing in the background.  She literally just sang, “We have to love ourselves before we can love somebody else.” Seriously, she just sang those lyrics! Weird. But as I just mentioned above, we seem to have a misconception of what love really is. Remember it is not something we own or control.

To give love, we must allow it to flow through us. We should remember that love is perfect, but we don’t necessarily have to be perfect in order to let it flow through us and onto others. Accepting ourselves is something I believe is an ongoing process. We are masters in progress, right? This does not mean we have to have our shit 100% together in order to let others share in our divinity.

I believe that relationships give us great opportunities. They allow us the opportunity to learn together. They allow us to break down the walls that hinder us from allowing love to flow through us and onto others.  I also believe we should always keep working toward loving and accepting ourselves.  All I’m saying is we don’t have to wait until pigs fall from the sky.  Hey!!! How’s that for a cliche’?

So, do I dislike cliches? No, but it is a good idea to take some time to go over the ones we might have incorporated into our beliefs. Are they serving us and the others we love the best way possible? Perhaps it’s not a bad idea to maybe dig a little deeper into some of the one-liners we so easily accept and ask ourselves if there is any truth to it.

Until the next time.

Positively yours,


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