It Is Not Our Job To Fix Everyone’s Problems

problems, provider, fixer, hold space, James Calderon, Positively James, inspiration, speaker, blogger, blog, butterfly

It’s not our job to fix everyone’s problems. Perhaps I should give you some background. I am a man. A simple man. However, I am layered with almost 40 years of socialization. I’ve been blanketed with other people’s beliefs since day one. Much of this has lead me to become someone I thought society wanted me to be.

I’ve been wired to be a provider, a fixer and protector. The days I fell short of these expectations, were days I felt less than society’s idea of what a man is supposed to be. This can be rough on the psyche.

No man likes these kinds of days, so we go above and beyond to protect the one’s we love. We go above and beyond to provide for the one’s we love. We go above and beyond to try and fix the problems for the one’s we love.

We do this to the point it hurts others, as well as ourselves. We overstep. It’s not completely our fault. It’s what we thought we were supposed to do. It’s been the message we’ve had to adhere to most of our lives.

I have learned to set down these expectations.  I have set down the so called “right way” to embrace my way. Though I do provide and protect, I am not limited to society’s constraining idea of what makes me a man.

I have learned to embrace when things go sideways. I have learned to lead with my heart. I have learned that being a mindful and conscious man is more important than being a protector, a fixer or provider.

Raising two young ladies and being in the most illuminative relationship of my life, I guess I’ve sort of learned a thing or two.

I don’t have to fix everyone’s problems. Now, I choose to support by holding space for them when needed. I choose to be present for it is a gift to others, as well as myself. The beauty of this is that the people I love do the same for me.


problems, provider, fixer, hold space, James Calderon, Positively James, inspiration, speaker, blogger, blog, butterfly

Most people are very much capable of taking care of themselves. Like butterflies, humans are supposed to struggle. Metaphorically speaking, that is what enables us to fly.

Now of course with our kids, we have to lead the way a little more, but we don’t have meddle in every single one of their affairs.  Each and everyone of us has what it takes to get through. But we can still be there to listen and hold space.

I believe more than anything, we are here to connect and share the beauty and struggles of each others experiences. We don’t have to be the man or the woman society expects us to be when it comes to dealing with each other’s struggles. Perhaps all we have to do is walk along side one another unconditionally. Sounds lofty, I know, but as humans, we sure do like to complicate things when there is no need to. Be easy my friends. Be easy.

Positively yours,

James

Follow Positively James

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *